IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
10 Apr 25, 02:33
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in idea development and examples. Grammar and vocabulary are adequate but could benefit from more variety and precision.
Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors23
Grammatical range and accuracy7
Lexical resource8
Coherence & cohesion4
Task response4

Writing Task

#Urbanization
#Direct Question
Urbanization can exacerbate social inequalities, creating disparities in access to resources, services, and opportunities among urban dwellers.
What social inequalities arise from urbanization, and what measures can be taken to mitigate these inequalities?

Submitted Answer

Words348|Paragraphs5
English:UK English
Global Issues:
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Paragraph 1 Issues:
Thesis Statement
Urbanization
is defined as the rise of a
community
where there is
more
advanced technology and way of living. It can somehow reflect the progress of a
community
as it builds more
opportunities
for its dwellers. However, despite the advancements and improvement it brings to a
community
, there are also some negative
impact
that
lies
behind this truth.
There are
social
inequalities
that arise from
urbanization
. One of these is the concept of hierarchy. Since an urban
community
has
more
advanced economic growth, this provides more
opportunities
for jobs and
businesses
leading to competition and eventually unhealthy relationships. The people in the higher state can be
more
powerful, while the marginalized remain stagnant in a living that is just enough for them to fill their stomachs. Living in a
community
like this can be excruciating as it affects one's lifestyle and progressively, the mental health.
Paragraph 3 Issues:
Missing Linking Devices
Another
social
inequality
that
arise
from
urbanization
is the rise of various pollution. This can be caused by the increasing amount of irresponsible factories, noisy and smoky vehicles, deforestation for tall buildings and subdivisions, and other activities that may contribute to the rise of
pollutions
in the air, water and land. This may compromise the state of nature and eventually the health of its settlers.
Lastly, the rising population of the urban
community
may also lead to
social
inequalities
. This may affect the access to resources, services and
opportunities
because it limits the supply in the
community
trying to compensate for its dwellers. The worse thing is that this can eventually lead to shortage and crisis.
Despite the negative
social
inequalities
that
urbanization
brings, there are also some measures that can be taken to mitigate these
inequalities
. It is never too late to practice saving for the future and make use of the resources responsibly. Learn to be
more
resilient and look for the brighter side of the problems. Lastly, seize the moment to enjoy every
opportunities
and improvements that
urbanization
but
do not forget
what it takes to be a responsible citizen for the
community
and the next generation to come.

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