IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
12 Jul 24, 12:59
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the causes and responsibilities for youth crime but lacks depth in analysis and examples. Grammar and vocabulary usage are adequate but contain errors and could be more varied. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, though some transitions are awkward.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 16 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 4 | |
| Lexical resource | 5 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
It has been said that society is to blame for increasing youth crime.
What is causing this trend? Who should be responsible for dealing with it?
#Youth Crime
#Direct Question
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:276
Paragraphs:4
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
children
raise a concern to the society. Some argue that older people are the cause of this dynamic. This essay will examine the root of this behaviour
as well as the responsible party to this trend.First of all, parental advisory has significant impact on this unacceptable action. In accordance with the science fact,
children
pyschology
is not fully developed until they reach certain age. During that period, children
cannot differentiate the line between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour
, which for them is still blurry. Nonetheless, although family is the first tier of children
's role model, school also play a big part on that.Second, the globalization and access to the internet accelerate the spread of uneducated content. The exposure of sensitive content to young age group can influence their
behaviour
resulting them getting trouble with the law. The neglection of government to filter or regulate the spreading and access cause the increasing crime by youth. For example, some contents were actually made just for entertainment, while it was actually only an acting. However, young people may thought
it is a cool trend and imitate the crime.That being said, Society and government shall be accounted for youth
behaviour
. The family shall foster good behaviour
either by teaching them or showing them good example. Beside
family, the society shall also illustrate the respectfull
environment where children
can learn and understand to respect other people and nature. On top of that, government shall strict
their law and order. There is one theory called "broken window theory" that means, if disorder sign is ignored, it will create more crime and chaos.