IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6

IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
07 Aug 24, 21:59
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the task but has several grammatical errors and lacks coherence in some parts. Vocabulary usage is adequate but could be more varied, and the ideas need better development and logical flow for higher clarity and impact.

Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy6.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors24
Grammatical range and accuracy1
Lexical resource15
Coherence & cohesion4
Task response4
Question
The fast food industry has grown dramatically worldwide, raising concerns about its health impacts.
What are the problems associated with the rising consumption of fast food, and what solutions can be implemented to mitigate these issues?
#Food
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:329
Paragraphs:5
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
The rapid global expansion of the
fast
food
industry has sparked significant concerns regarding its effects on health.
In my opinion, I agree that
unhealthy
food
, such as
fast
food
,
constributes
to poor/decreasing health. However, I also believe that sedentary lifestyle or activity and poorer life choices can lead to an unhealthier life.
Nevertheless, and regardless of
people
knowing
healthy
warnings, the number of
people
eating
unhealthier
meals
is
incrising
. Regular consumption of
unhealthy
foods
, from
fast
food
chains/ restaurants, do have
it's
price on our overall health, and, if not consumed in moderation, can lead to more aggravating health problems or diseases. Obesity and cardiac disease are typical examples that can be faced by
people
who regularly consume
foods
enveloped in fat and sugar content.
Taking into account the population of the United States, a significant portion of citizens are overweight and at risk of serious health issues or death. Consequently, many resort to extreme measures like weight loss camps, urgent surgeries, or extreme diets. Despite knowing the health risks,
people
often choose
fast
food
because it is more accessible, convenient, and cheaper, and because it tastes better than
healthier
options. This trend is mirrored in the UK, where 70% of working
people
buy ready-made
meals
for convenience, and among college students, who opt for
unhealthy
meals
due to their tight budgets. To mitigate the impact of
fast
food
, it would be ideal to increase the prices of
unhealthy
foods
, make
healthier
options more affordable, reduce fat and oil in
fast
food
, and encourage the cultivation of fresh fruits and vegetables.
In conclusion, the consumption of
fast
food
meals
can have a detrimental impact on our overall physical health, which should be assisted and prevented before serious health problems or death
arrise
. It is, therefore, crucial to
mantain
a
healthier
diet with regular physical exercise and regular doctor visits or check-ups, to make sure that we continue to
trive
into a longer happier life.