IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5
IELTS Essay Sample Band 5
5.0
Overall Score
15 Aug 24, 11:35
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the main safety issues in public transport but lacks clarity and coherence. Grammar and vocabulary need improvement, and the essay should be more formal and structured to enhance readability and task response.
| Overall score | 5.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 4.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5.0 | |
| Task response | 5.0 |
| Total Errors | 43 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 11 | |
| Lexical resource | 25 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Concerns about safety on public transport can deter people from using these services, affecting overall usage rates.
What are the main safety issues in public transport and what measures can be taken to improve safety?
#Public Transport
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:336
Paragraphs:5
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
usement
of public
transporation
can be influence by safety
reasons
. Safety
reasons
such as related to pickpockets
and health issues
are the main determination the
usage of this facility. However, I argue people
can overcome this safety
issues
by refrain for bringing much money
, put their bag into the front body, and use
their own vehicle
.Pickpockets
is
one of the reason
that cause people
to search other alternative
. Pickpockets
that usually comes from low-income person use
uncondusive
situations to meet their needs. The prepetour
sometimes conduct their actions during rush hours after work when people
feel tired and doesn't
pay attention much of their bringings
. Hence, people
refrain from using
public
transportation. This
phenomena
can be seen everywhere around the world as long as someone's salary doesn't
meet their needs.On the other hand, health
issues
such can be seen as
the factor why people
choose this path. Health issues
like astma
is very dangerous when there are minimum oxygen in the room. The problem is during rush hours, public
vehicle
is filled by people
. As a result, oxygen will be limited and have adverse effect to their body. Hence, these person
choose other way to reach their destination.Dispite these
safety
reasons
, there are three kind
of measurements to enhanced safety
of using
public
vehicle
. The first one is refrain
for bringing much money
when travel
. People
can calculate their money
so minimaze
cost of losing that caused by pickpockets
. Second, people
can put their bag into the front body. By swifting
their bag that can be seen by the owner's eye can reduced pickpockets
' opportunity to steal the money
. Last, people
can use
their own vehicle
. It is a wise thing to that people
who have astma
doesn't
pressure themselves because health comes first.In Conclusion, there are two
safety
factors that refrain or deter people
for using
public
transportation. However, people
can fit themselves during the situations to reduce unwanted things are not happening.