IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
15 Jul 24, 06:05
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the question but contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, but the ideas could be more logically developed and supported with clearer examples.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 44 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 13 | |
| Lexical resource | 22 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Racial discrimination continues to affect numerous societies, limiting the potential for social harmony and progress.
What are the primary causes of racial discrimination in society, and what steps can be taken to combat it?
#Society
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:351
Paragraphs:5
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
Racial Discrimination & Social Harmony
Racial
discrimination
has been a societal problem for decades. From human slavery till
social
injustice
, racial
discrimination
took place in different parts of the world. Although, the most remmembered
occasion would be the racial
discrimination
and injustice
towards the African Americans and the slavery era, almost back in the 17th century. Despite that
these incidents have ended and slavery has vanished, yet social
injustice
towards African Americans remain
. Not only African Americans but also other races.Racial
discrimination
always linked to social
injustice
and stereotypes
. The main reason why a person with a certain race has been treated differentley
, is usually because of an old wrong stereotypes
. Such as, Asians are always excellent in mathmatics
or more cleaver than other races. Also, the stereotype
of that African Americans are violent
group and that they tend to make bad decisions and therefore become criminals. All of these false stereotypes
still affect how people precieve
one another and
of course
affects the social
harmony. These streotypes
leads
to racial
discrimination
and social
injustice
. For example, the popular incident that occurred in America where a police man arrested an innocent African American man and treated him with great violence untill
the man lost his breath and eventually died. This wasn't
the first incident to happen in America
and certainatly
not the last.The country must acknowledge the diversity and enrich it. In addition, justice is the keyword for
social
harmony and progress. People who are facing racial
discrimintation
if they felt
safe, protected and valued by their country and society
, the country will surely successed
to end
these
injustice
and overcome racial
discrimination
.To conclude, both the government and the
society
have a great role in facing racial
discrimination
and injustice
. In order to have a connected society
you need to show it's
citizens that they are appreciated and valued. Also, that everyone in this society
are
treated equally and that for sure
will achieve the ultimate goal of having harmony and a strong society
that works as one. Therefore, these actions will lead to progress and development.