IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5

IELTS Essay Sample Band 5

5.0
Overall Score
16 Aug 24, 10:27
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The essay addresses the question but lacks a clear thesis statement and sufficient examples. Grammar and vocabulary usage are basic, with several errors affecting readability and coherence.

Overall score5.0
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion5.0
Task response5.0
Total Errors31
Grammatical range and accuracy11
Lexical resource13
Coherence & cohesion3
Task response4
Question
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them.
In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
#Entertainment
#Advantage / Disadvantage
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:267
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
People demand refreshment when they are suffering from negative emotion such as boredom and sadness. One of the
way
to achieve it is to play
video
games
. Like everything,
video
games
often divides people to choose between positive and negative aspect. Some prefers to side with its benefits while other stands on the opposite path.
A
person
gives their best to anything if
its
done from the soul.
Video
games
can fill that soul with positivity. Moreover, it
also
helps an
indiviudal
to fight depression, loneliness and painful feelings to an extent. It is
also
an energizer
to
a lazy body which might improve performance for any work later on. It
also
prevent
negative thoughts to arise in the mind as it pulls complete attention of an individual thus not letting the "mind be empty" which is often quoted as devil's workshop. Furthermore, a shift in balance of mood to the happier side is often a key trait of
video
games
.
While
video
games
can be
mood
recharger or a
medicinem
, it can
also
turn into drugs and
coccaine
if anyone
develop
unhealthy
obsession
of
it. It might destroy a
person
's regular schedule if they
don't
learn to manage time. While it can be a friend
that
empowers a
person
, it can
also
be an enemy that triggers rage and tears if taken too seriously.
Comming to the conclusion, Video
games
have balance between its benefits and
side-effect
as it relates more to the mood.
Its
not the
video
game
that hampers a
person
but the
person
management and seriousness with
video
games
.