IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6
IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
04 Dec 24, 23:04
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in idea development and critical analysis. Grammar and vocabulary are adequate but contain errors, and coherence could be improved with better logical flow and clearer thesis statement.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 6.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 14 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 2 | |
| Lexical resource | 5 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Advanced technologies, including surveillance and monitoring software, are increasingly being used to keep track of young people's activities, with the aim of preventing youth crime.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to monitor youth activities in the context of preventing crime.
#Youth Crime
#Advantage / Disadvantage
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:303
Paragraphs:5
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
prevent
the youth crime. In this essay, I will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this matter.Generally speaking, more individuals are utilizing monitors for supervising the adolescents, in hopes of averting
jeuvenile
delinquency. It appears one of the obvious advantages, they consider, is that any strange activity or irregular action will be detected and investigated immediately. Another relevant benefit is that if they faced danger under all circumstances, the guardians or authorities would be able to locate them. Therefore, it is deemed necessary in fighting crimes, specifically those committed by teenagers.Although it is proven useful to monitor the young generation's activities, it still
doesn't
outweigh the disadvantages of it. Supervising the youth closely will mentally exhaust them and negatively affect their phsycological
health. For instance: My cousin has strict parents who are overly protective. Hence, they keep a close eye on her at all times. As a result, my cousin's mental health has greatly deteriorated from it.Another drawback is that it invades a person's privacy, as it is commonly known, that teenagers need their personal space. This suggests that if it is violated, the adolescents will react with unpleasant results. Furthermore, the entire process of carefully keeping track of their endeavours is time-consuming with minimal results proven so far.
In conclusion, the countless disadvantages surpass the few advantages of using surveillance and monitoring software to watch the younger generation, even if
it's
with the intention of preventing minor criminality.