IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6
IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
04 Dec 24, 22:56
Want to practice this question?
Go to IELTS Essay Checker
Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, but lacks depth in idea development and coherence. Grammar and vocabulary usage are adequate, though there are noticeable errors and limited range.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 6.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 21 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 3 | |
| Lexical resource | 11 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Advanced technologies, including surveillance and monitoring software, are increasingly being used to keep track of young people's activities, with the aim of preventing youth crime.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to monitor youth activities in the context of preventing crime.
#Youth Crime
#Advantage / Disadvantage
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:308
Paragraphs:5
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
monitors,
have proven beneficial when used. In particularly, monitors are increasingly being used to watch all young
people
's activities
, not only babies or toddlers, with the aim to prevent the youth crime. In this essay
I will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this matter.Generally speaking, more
people
are utilizing monitors for supervising the younger
generations activities
, in hopes of averting jeuvenile
delinquency. It appears one of the obvious advantages, they consider, is that any strange activity
or irregular action will be detected and investigated immediately. Another relevant benefit is that if the adolescent people
faced danger under all circumstances, the guardians or authorities would be able to locate them. Therefore, it is deemed necessary in fighting crimes, specifically adolescent delinquency.Although it is proven useful to monitor the
young
generation's activities
, it still doesn't
outweigh the disadvantages of it. Supervising the youth closely will mentally exhaust them and negatively affect their phsycological
health. For instance: My cousin has strict parents who are overly protective. Hence, they keep a close eye on her at all times. As a result, my cousin's mental health has greatly detoriorated
from it.Another drawback is that it invades the
young
people
's privacy, as it is commonly known, that teenagers need their personal space. This suggests that if it is violated, the adolescents will react with unpleasant results. Furthermore, the entire process of carefully keeping track of their endeavors
is time-consuming with minimal results proven so far.In conclusion, the countless disadvantages surpass the few advantages of using surveillance and monitoring software
as a means to watch
the younger
generation, even if it's
with the intention of preventing minor criminality.