IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
06 Jul 24, 05:42
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the task well but lacks examples and has some grammatical errors. Coherence and cohesion are adequate, but the essay could be more logically organized. Vocabulary usage is appropriate but not very varied.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 30 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 9 | |
| Lexical resource | 12 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before.
What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?
#Sport
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:350
Paragraphs:4
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
people
are focusing more
on their body health and trying to maintain a healthier
body as they get older. However, it seems
that the number of people
who get diabetes, overweight, high blood pressure and other health problems
is increasing. Even though there are more and more
excercising
equipments and facilities, such as gyms and sports park, being established in people
's lives, they have not managed to improve people
's health conditions. In this essay, I would try to explore the reasons why many people
are unable to keep healthy
even though there are more
excercising
equipments
and training facilities than before
.Firstly, the primary reason for
people
's health issues is the heavy work pressure. Officers and workers now have to work for longer hours than before
and
they do not have enough leisure time to excercise
and play sports. In addition, some workers have to work overtime more
frequently than before
, it also decrease
the time for them to do some exercises. Too much work pressure has negative influence on their mental well being
. some
of them may feel demotivated after work and
they do not have the energy to participate in sports activities.Missing Linking Devices
are
more
deep processed food
and fast food
in people
's diet nowadays. With the development of food
industry, people
have added more
fried and unnatural food
into their diets. Such kinds of food
are rich in saturated fat and less in vitamin
and food
fibre, which could cause overweight and other health problems
in people
's bodies.In order to solve this
problem
, several layers of actions can be taken. Firstly, the government can publicize campaigns that promote healthy
lifestyle. In this process.
In addition, it is also necessary for the government to publicize policies to mandate the company to provide sufficient hours for their workers to relax and do exercise. On top of that, the food
companies can invest in manufacturing healthier
food
which can boost people
's health. With the efforts of the whole society, people
can be healthier
than before
and this problem
could be solved.