IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5
IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5
5.5
Overall Score
30 Jul 24, 11:28
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the question and provides a clear opinion, but it contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, but the development of ideas and examples could be more robust and logically structured.
| Overall score | 5.5 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 37 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 15 | |
| Lexical resource | 15 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 3 |
Question
As cities grow, they offer more social opportunities and amenities but can also lead to weaker community bonds as people become more individualistic.
Do you agree or disagree that urbanization has more of a negative impact on community social bonds than it has benefits through increased social opportunities?
#Urbanization
#Agree / Disagree
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:314
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Many
big
cities
across the globe provide higher level of public development and accommodation. However, it also
decrease
the bonds
among people
because
the citizens
of big
cities
tend to be individualistic. Towards this topic, I personally agree that urbanization creates more significant disadvantages on
social
bonds
than its advantage on social
opportunities. It is in the ground that the citizens
of big
cities
are still a human that are naturally a
social
creatures
. Moreover, the more individualistic people
can also
diminish harmonies in the society
as people
become careless towards others
.As
a
social
creatures
, human
needs
others
to live
with. They cannot rely only
on themselves because
they require others
to provide their primary needs. Our nearest neighbors
, for instance, can offer food that they cook when we are busy in doing our work assignments and have no time even for ordering some online meals. They may also
give some small talks to ensure that we are in a good mental and physical states
. However, citizens
in big
cities
oftenly
lost
these kind
of relationships as they get more busy in building their personal career as well as making money to be wealthy.Other than that, harmony in the
society
usually exists when the people
have community bonds
, and it leads the society
to live
in peace together. These days, modern people
are tend
to live
individually and become careless towards their surroundings. They will put their own needs as the paramount important thing without caring about the others
prosperity. This may lead to the society
to fight with others
.In conclusion, I personally do agree that modern
society
experiences more disadvantages on social
bonds
than its benefit through social
opportunities. It is because
the citizens
are still a
social
creatures
which need others
to live
with. This phenomenon of individual society
also
has negative
impact in
the harmony of the society
.