IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6

IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
16 Jun 24, 22:28
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The essay addresses the question but lacks depth in discussing the main issues with grassroots sports facilities. Grammar and coherence are generally good but could be improved for clarity. Lexical resource is strong with varied vocabulary.

Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy6.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors23
Grammatical range and accuracy4
Lexical resource10
Coherence & cohesion5
Task response4
Question
Grassroots sports often suffer from a lack of adequate facilities, which can stifle the development of young talents.
What are the main issues with the facilities available for grassroots sports, and how can these issues be resolved?
#Sport
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:350
Paragraphs:4
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Usage
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
It is observed that global prestige is achieved by constructing specific premises to upskill elite
athletes
in lieu of
offering
sports
facilities
for
public
use in some parts of the world. I believe that this has detrimental impacts on
citizens
,
despite the fact that
it can create favourite conditions for
athletes
to prosper.
On the one hand, the erection of specialized
facilities
for training talented
athletes
can facilitate their capacities. This is because outstanding sportspeople can be given better chances to further improve themselves, enabling them to maximise their potential. Therefore, they can give optimal performances in global competitions and are more likely to achieve rewards and success in sports, making great contributions to national achievements in this field. For instance, the Vietnamese government provided funds to establish
football
institutions
such
as
Hoang Anh Gia Lai to
train
and support children who have an innate ability. As a result, numerous young talented
football
players
such
as
Xuan Truong and Tuan Anh were
trained
intensively and excelled in
football
matches, enhancing the position of Vietnam in international sports.
On the other hand, this propensity can induce two noticeable drawbacks. Chief of these is that it adversely affects
public
health.
More specifically, as the state budget is spent on building
facilities
for
training
top
athletes
in lieu of providing community sports
facilities
, there would be a shortage of open areas
such
as
parks, gardens and squares which
offer
an abundance of resources for free exercise.
Consequently, fewer places are
offered
for residents to exercise, potentially encouraging a sedentary lifestyle in the community and weakening
citizens
’ well-being. Another drawback is that it can trigger great dissatisfaction among
citizens
. As they pay taxes to enrich the government
budget
they may argue they deserve to receive free fitness equipment and spaces, and may feel discontent if the state funding is allocated to serve a small number of recipients only.
In conclusion, although investing in specialized
facilities
for professional sports people only can enhance their performances and improve a nation’s standing, I maintain that its
consequences including
deteriorating
public
health and generating dissatisfaction
among