IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
12 Sept 24, 08:26
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in argumentation and examples. Grammar and vocabulary are adequate but contain errors and could be more varied.
Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors24
Grammatical range and accuracy8
Lexical resource8
Coherence & cohesion3
Task response5
Question
Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
#Food
#Discussion
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:319
Paragraphs:4
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
It is evident that
consumption
of
junk
food
has become increasingly popular, leading to a significant debate about the most effective way to prevent health deterioration. Some argue that providing health
education
to
people
is the right solution, while others believe that
education
is inadequate to inform
people
about the further risks of consuming
junk
food
. In this essay,
I will discuss
both views and argue that
education
is crucial in raising awareness about the dangers of
junk
food
.
On one hand,
education
could be a helpful approach to increase
people
’s knowledge about the risks of consuming
junk
food
frequently. Specifically, if they are well-educated about the negative influence of
junk
food
, they would more likely commencing to reduce their
consumption
of
junk
food
. This approach could be done by an introduction to
healthy
life style
. For instance, the government could spread health awareness through the social media. In this case, campaigns are needed. The collaboration of the government and public health
institution
is needed in order to make the campaigns more well known and reach the target audience.
On the other hand, opponents argue that
education
is not sufficient to persuade
people
who are addicted to
junk
food
. However, several approaches have been done before. Yet, it does not meet the expectation. The
consumption
of
junk
foods
continously
rising.
A research
conducted by TIU University demonstrates that there is an 80% upward trend of the
consumption
of
junk
food
compared to the previous years. This research plays a key role in proving that
education
is not sufficient to make
people
aware of the bad influence of
junk
foods
.
In summary, the bad influences of
junk
foods
can be
seen as
a key role
of
health deterioration. Yet,
education
is inadequate to
revolutionized
the high demand of
junk
foods
consumption
. Moreover,
government
needs to think about another effective way to disenchant
people
from the
junk
food
addiction.

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