IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 5
IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 5
5.0
Overall Score
11 Nov 24, 09:12
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in exploring the tension between authenticity and commercialization. Grammar and vocabulary are basic, with some errors affecting clarity, and the essay lacks a clear thesis statement and logical flow.
| Overall score | 5.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5.0 | |
| Task response | 5.0 |
| Total Errors | 18 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 3 | |
| Lexical resource | 7 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Tourists often seek authentic experiences, yet the demand for these experiences can lead to the commercialization and staged authenticity of cultural displays.
Discuss the tension between providing authentic experiences and the commercialization of culture in tourism.
#Tourism
#Discussion
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:255
Paragraphs:2
Paragraph Count Requirement
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
can not
be controlled, because
the attraction of the authenticity of a culture is so tempting for tourists
. Even though it will be commercialized and staged in the future, but in my view this act can help and
contribute more to the local people. For an example, their economy. Local people will helped by the income they receive from the tourist
. This will help that area to be developed even more so it will be a better tourist
spot and
will receive more income. For the tourist
, this kind of experience is one of a kind, I believe most of the tourists
will spend money on cultural tourist
spot eventhough
they know it is staged. They have arrived in the area, in the place they have never been before. I believe they want to experience thisWhen it comes to authentic experiences, there are some rules that follow. For an example, if we really want to experience the funeral tradition in Bali, for women, they could not join if they are in their menstruation period. Or another example, if we
want
to join the Toraja funeral tradition, we have to have family blood connection with the corpse. We have this limited access to the authentic experiences, that is why I think it not so bad to provide tourists
about the staged culture. As long as they know the cultural background or context and more focus on that instead of direct participation, I think it is enough for the tourists
.