IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6

IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
15 Aug 24, 17:19
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The essay addresses the question but lacks depth in argumentation and examples. Grammar and vocabulary are adequate but contain errors and limited range. Coherence and cohesion are present but could be improved for better readability.

Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy6.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors20
Grammatical range and accuracy4
Lexical resource9
Coherence & cohesion3
Task response4
Question
Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV channels.
Do the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages?
#Culture
#Advantage / Disadvantage
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:250
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
It is a fact that modernization globally happens.
People
from different countries are now sharing the similar lifestyle, even as simple as eating habits. There are some advantages and drawbacks that come up after this phenomenon. However, the advantages strongly outweigh the bad effects from that case. This essay will illustrate why
similaritization
among nations is enormously beneficial.
A good transfer of cultures can highly support the equality between regions.
People
in developed countries today do not feel the huge gap happened just between the centre and the
outskirt
side of any state decades ago. The rationale behind this is a massive share of
informations
on the newest trends, gossips, new technologies, and many others today, even into the farthest corner of the city. Consequently, it more likely equalises the standard of
people
to live viably. For instance,
people
in Papua have already stopped the tribal wars and started to educate their children after the mass move of educated immigrants.
Some say that regularization of style can degenerate the
moral
of human being. It is because the modern trends often
can not
conform to the local cultures and rules, thus potentially make social issues. It actually
occured
in Jakarta, where the rapid and transient change of
people
's taste of fashions
ovherwhelmed
the religious and cultural
people
. However, the scarcity of the actual phenomenon among this topic make this discussion of disadvantage irrelevant.
In conclusion, the benefit of uniformity of
people
preference of their needs is strongly
outweigh
the drawbacks.