IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5
IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5
5.5
Overall Score
28 Jun 24, 14:11
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the question but has several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, but the essay could benefit from clearer transitions and more precise vocabulary.
| Overall score | 5.5 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 44 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 21 | |
| Lexical resource | 16 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
International tourism has become a vital part of the global economy, contributing to economic growth in many countries. However, it also raises concerns regarding environmental degradation and cultural dilution.
Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of international tourism.
#Tourism
#Discussion
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:343
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
International
tourism
is a crucial for the economic
growth in many
countries
which lead
to the global economy
. However, it appears the concerns of the environmental and cultural issue
. I, personally, think that a balance approach can be considered for many
countries
because it has economic
growth as a benefit, while environment issue as a drawback of it.On one hand,
international
tourism
will attract many
people from various countries
in the world. If countries
able to draw many
tourist
then
they will stimulate the sales of local
business. Micro and smal
medium enterprises (MSME) will gain huge advantage for these
tourism
and will likely to
achieve high rates of the national economic
growth. Indonesia, for instance, is a country
which their MSME as 61% share of the GDP view international
tourism
as a potential to boost the economy
. Attracting tourist is very pivotal for their economy
, hence
they have arranged some destinations for tourism
like Bali, Labuan Bajo, Ijen, Comodo Island and so on. These
tourism
have been managed by Ministry
of Tourism which will promote it to the world.On the other hand,
tourism
always be
seen as
a business which always pursue economic
benefit and will focus on rising the sales. One way to boost sales is expanding the area or eliminating the need to manage the waste. These behaviours
will affect local
surroundings that lead to disturb
the local
ecosystem. They also caused the climate change and will likely to
have natural disaster. For example, South Yogyakarta has various beach attractions to experienced
with. Several years ago, these
region
suffer
from flood
which caused by the declining of the green region
that absorb the rainfall. This declining region
have
occured
due to the great expansion of tourism
business.In conclusion,
international
tourism
indeed are valuable to grow
the country
's economy
. It might posess
inherent risk such as the environment issue that affect local
region
. It is essential to manage this tourism
properly by the government in order to meet the expectations of boosting economy
and minimizing environment risk.