IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
29 Jul 24, 05:26
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the task but has several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained, but the ideas could be more logically developed and supported with clearer examples.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 24 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 7 | |
| Lexical resource | 8 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 5 |
Question
Excessive computer gaming is one of the biggest threats to children's physical and mental health in the 21st century.
Discuss the problems and associated solutions for this issue.
#Entertainment
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:248
Paragraphs:4
Word Count Requirement
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
epoch
video games
has
been becoming a huge determinant impact on offspring health.To begin with, the main issues of electronic
games
is how they are designed to be dedicated as once children start to play it, they can not
stop. To illustrate, it is provided that these games
can cause chronic disease and even death. Especially, when individuals consume long hours
just play it, they become unable to move
which can easily cause paralysis. Moreover, many
youngsters are suffering from heart disease and sight problems
because of spending many
hours
on computer
. For example, most adolescents wearing glasses due to the blue rays
which is the main causes of poor sight.On one hand, parents have the ability to address
theses
problems
by encouraging their children to make balance in their lives. As, they can decrease the time of playing video games
at least one hour
twice per week. Furthermore, governments should raise awareness about the risks of using electronic devices for long hours
among citizens especially,
in schools among students. Many
means can be used to motivate these young people to improve their lives. For instance, they can start to read books which have the ability to benefit their minds, improve their critical thinking, and protect them from health problems
.In conclusion, consuming
many
hours
on video games
can cause fatal problems
. Therefore, parents and governments must think about the best way to create an appropriate lifestyle for their offspring to protect them.