IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5

IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5

5.5
Overall Score
12 Jul 24, 09:40
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The essay addresses the task but lacks clarity and coherence in some parts. Grammar and vocabulary usage need improvement, and there are several spelling and punctuation errors that affect readability.

Overall score5.5
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion5.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors31
Grammatical range and accuracy6
Lexical resource17
Coherence & cohesion4
Task response4
Question
Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them.
In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
#Entertainment
#Advantage / Disadvantage
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:296
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
In recent years,
video
games
has become more popular than ever.People usually
play
video
games
to kill their time and take a break from their
day to day
activities. However, these
games
and its effects in youths have nowadays been a debatable topic.I do agree that the problems of
video
games
can outweigh the benefits.
Video
games
developed today
not only focuses on
game
and amusement but also covers
educational platforms helping students to uplift their scores. These
games
are often creative and motivates learners to use logical and analytical thinking. Players can spend their
free time
in
entertaing
video
games
, and can even communicate and socialize with their friends.
Video
games
have even promoted youths in e-
sports
securing them a platform to earn.
With all these advantages comes drawbacks too. Many researches have shown that
childrens
who
play
fighting
video
games
are found
agrresive
which clearly shows that it affects our mental health. Screens do not cause eye pain usually but gamers have to stare at display
continuosly
which does affect our eyes. Many kids are
playing
physical
games
less frequently because, their
games
have been replaced by a digital version.
This is quite a controversial topic as
childrens
are becoming socially as well as physically inactive.Creativity comes in children through all this
exercies
and physical
games
they
play
but
video
games
have replaced it all and killed the creativity and innocence in
childrens
.
In conclusion,
their
are several benefits of
video
games
if we use it for good
purposes
like for entertainment and educational purposes. But
childrens
nowdays
are somewhat addicted to
games
and are harming themselves and their creativity.Thus, if they are not utilized in a proper manner, they will cause many harms and can make people dormant.