IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
10 Sept 24, 17:00
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the question but lacks a clear thesis statement and has some grammatical errors. Coherence and cohesion are adequate, but the logical flow and idea development could be improved. Vocabulary usage is appropriate but not varied enough.
Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy6.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors31
Grammatical range and accuracy6
Lexical resource13
Coherence & cohesion8
Task response4
Question
In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment.
Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.
#Entertainment
#Direct Question
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:296
Paragraphs:9
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
In recent years, shopping has dynamically changed its whole purpose.
Missing Linking Devices
It all
depends
whether a person is rich or poor, whether
it's
retailing in a developed country or developing country.
Missing Linking Devices
A significant shift has been recognised, in developed countries like America and Australia.
An average Australian household spends at least $1500 per month on shopping. A survey conducted by Newcastle University Students in 2023 at Jesmond Shopping Centre confirms that 60% of
people
shop for entertainment. They perceive buying
things
or items as therapy, or a form of self pleasure. One lady
said "
bless the body that
works
"
.
It is evident that despite their daily
expenses
people
still feel the need to spend on other
things
for
self satisfaction
,
things
which include jewellery, luxury cars, clothes or activities.
Missing Linking Devices
I personally think if it motivates them to
work
more after enjoying the benefits of
working
it is a positive
thing
to the individuals themselves and the retailers.
Missing Linking Devices
It increases the National Gross Income if businesses are doing well.
However, a fraction of the Jesmond population thinks otherwise. They argue some
people
do not earn much, they live on
paycheque
to
paycheque
which makes it
hard
to shop for fun.
People
living with disability or older members of the community earn one of the lowest
incomes
, some of them are on Centrelink. Centrelink only covers for basic needs only and if you are on benefit funds you
can't
work
any other job. This makes it very impossible to purchase items for fun.
In conclusion, l think shopping for fun leisure and over spending depends on the person's
income
. Even individuals who earn a low
income
can sometimes spoil themselves once in a while. The
high
income
earners can also do the same to their affordability.

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