IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6
IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
10 Sept 24, 17:00
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the question but lacks a clear thesis statement and has some grammatical errors. Coherence and cohesion are adequate, but the logical flow and idea development could be improved. Vocabulary usage is appropriate but not varied enough.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 6.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 31 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 6 | |
| Lexical resource | 13 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 8 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment.
Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience.
#Entertainment
#Direct Question
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:296
Paragraphs:9
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
Missing Linking Devices
depends
whether a person is rich or poor, whether it's
retailing in a developed country or developing country.Missing Linking Devices
An average Australian household spends at least $1500 per month on shopping. A survey conducted by Newcastle University Students in 2023 at Jesmond Shopping Centre confirms that 60% of
people
shop for entertainment. They perceive buying things
or items as therapy, or a form of self pleasure. One lady said "
bless the body that works
"
.It is evident that despite their daily
expenses
people
still feel the need to spend on other things
for self satisfaction
, things
which include jewellery, luxury cars, clothes or activities.Missing Linking Devices
work
more after enjoying the benefits of working
it is a positive thing
to the individuals themselves and the retailers.Missing Linking Devices
However, a fraction of the Jesmond population thinks otherwise. They argue some
people
do not earn much, they live on paycheque
to paycheque
which makes it hard
to shop for fun. People
living with disability or older members of the community earn one of the lowest incomes
, some of them are on Centrelink. Centrelink only covers for basic needs only and if you are on benefit funds you can't
work
any other job. This makes it very impossible to purchase items for fun.In conclusion, l think shopping for fun leisure and over spending depends on the person's
income
. Even individuals who earn a low income
can sometimes spoil themselves once in a while. The high
income
earners can also do the same to their affordability.