IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
19 Jun 24, 19:41
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Overall Feedback
The essay effectively addresses the task with a clear opinion and additional solutions. However, there are several grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are strong, but vocabulary usage could be more varied.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 7.0 | |
| Task response | 7.0 |
| Total Errors | 29 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 6 | |
| Lexical resource | 17 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 3 | |
| Task response | 3 |
Question
The amount of time spent on sport and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight children.
Do you think this is the best way to deal with the problem? What other solutions can you suggest?
#Health
#Direct Question
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:273
Paragraphs:4
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Usage
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
In recent
times
, experts have urged the school
authorities to allot more time
to sports and exercise classes in order to address the growing obesity problem
among children. In my opinion, this initiative is the most suitable approach to tackle the weight problem
; however, changing the diet menus
in schools
along with basic
nutrition
lectures would further help this cause.To begin with, physical activities and outdoor games are the best way a person can remain fit and active. Thus,
acitivities
like basketball and football should be encouraged among teenagers within the school
premises, as kids
spend most of their time
in school
. Training sessions
at school
level helps
a kid
to develop a healthy lifestyle at young
age and majority of
kids
would continue practicing
these habits in adulthood. As a result, they would maintain a good body and exercise regurarly
, that would prevent them from gaining excessive weight.However, along with training
session
at schools
, authorities can further provide kids
with health food menus
and basic
nutrition
lectures. Instead of providing pupils with processed and pacakaged
foods, canteen cheifs
should create a menu
that consists of various sources of protein, nutrition
and fiber
. This step is important because most of the processed meals contain obesity causing chemicals and preservative
. Furthermore, teachers should teach students about the basic
nutrition
they should include in their regular meals to maintain their positive bodyweight.To conclude,
competetive
games and exercises are the best possible way to tackle the problem
of overweight at elementary and high schools
. But, further steps such as modifying the menus and nutrition
sessions
are also needed to address this situation agressively
.