IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5
IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5
5.5
Overall Score
28 Jul 24, 14:21
Want to practice?
Try this question
Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the task but contains numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are moderate, but the essay lacks a clear thesis statement and has limited vocabulary usage.
| Overall score | 5.5 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 5.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 40 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 15 | |
| Lexical resource | 15 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 5 | |
| Task response | 5 |
Question
Violent content in movies, video games, and other forms of entertainment is often criticized for its potential negative effects on viewers, especially young audiences.
What problems might arise from exposure to violent content in entertainment, and what measures can be taken to address these issues?
#Entertainment
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:338
Paragraphs:5
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
Thesis Statement
various kind
of entertainment services
, which are movies
, video games
, and other forms, contain violanet
content
that usually leads to potential negative drawbacks on individuals, especially young people
. It is possible to deal with the issue by taking several precautions. This essay will discuss
the solutions of
this
problems.First essential way to solve this problem is limiting the ages of consumers. These
services
are mostly prepared for adults due to their contents
. Nevertheless, chidren
or teens have bought games
or the others without their parents. In USA
, for instance, almost one third children
play RPG and war games
without their parents' permissions. If it is prevented by restricting under 18' accessibilities to these sites, they will prevent their adverse consequences.Another way to deal with this issue is adding warning systems to
services
. Many individuals have watched or played these with they have not
knowledge about
their drawbacks. Therefore, the companies should enlight
their costumers before they purchase their services
. For example, if the movie
where in
Netflix include
violence
scenes, initially Netflix warn
the people
about what they will watch and hence the people
learn the content
before the series or movies
.Finally, education and awareness about the
violence
decrease the negative consequences. School is an integral part of education because
of this the violence
education and awareness about the effects of violent on people
lessons should be added students
' schedules. They will learn reasons, aspects ,and consequences of violence
though
the lessons. Thus, their knowledge about the topic will increase, they will become more enlightened people
,and they will analyze
the contents
of movies
, games
,and series. Even if they consume violent contents
, they will not implement for other people
.In conclusion, even though individuals might face the violent
contents
in everywhere such as
movies
, series, and video
games
that
affects
adversely to
people
, particularly young one, it is possible to combat this challenges by limiting the ages of costumers, adding warning
sytstem
to
services
,and educating
people
and
enlightining
their awareness.