IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5

IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5

5.5

Overall Score

20 Jun 24, 21:29

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The essay addresses the question and provides a balanced view, but it contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Coherence and cohesion are generally good, but some ideas could be more clearly developed and connected. Vocabulary is adequate but not particularly varied or sophisticated.

Overall score	5.5
Grammatical range and accuracy	5.0
Lexical resource	5.0
Coherence & cohesion	6.0
Task response	6.0

Question

Individual freedoms are a cornerstone of democratic societies. Yet, there is an ongoing debate about the extent to which these freedoms should be exercised, especially when they might impact societal harmony.

Do you agree or disagree that individual freedoms should be restricted to promote societal harmony?

#Society

#Agree / Disagree

Submitted Answer

English:

Words:349

Paragraphs:4

Task Response

Readability

Coherence

Cohesion

Vocabulary Usage

Grammar Usage

Ideas Development

Logical Flow

In every democratic

nation

, the

citizens

have the

right

freedom

in aspects such as

speech

and act. The

right

to act freely and independently are the indicators of a strong democracy. However, experts believe in

restricting

the

freedom

to increase the social harmony, as unsocial elements of the society try to

misue

the powers provided by the

authorities

. I partially agree with this statement, as I believe that a balanced approach is needed to maintain the pillar of democracy and peace between different groups residing in a

nation

On the one side, some

citizens

misuse the

freedom

of expression by promoting

hate

speech

Therefore

, it

becames

important for the

authorities

to control the anti-social elements by

restricting

their

rights

. For instance, in India, the leaders of the majority

ethincities

are always targeting the minorities through

hate

speech

, and as a result, there have been many clashes between the different groups, causing unrest among the general

people

. Thus, it is the

responsibilty

of the

government

that individual's autonomy is not

resulting

in any sort of

hate

towards the minorities.

On the other side, regulating and limiting the liberty of the

people

would

result

in failure of the

democarcy

. In some countries where the

rights

of the

citizens

are limited,

governments

try to control every aspect of the

people

Therefore

, restraining the fundamental

freedom

would

result

in total central control over the

citizens

, thus comprising the

basic

principles and autonomy. For instance, the Chinese

government

has full control over the population, and

people

are not allowed to be vocal against the

authorities

. Consequently, the individuals are

continously

undermined and harassed by the

people

Therefore

, it is essential that the

basic

principles of the

democary

are followed and governed to prevent the

collaspe

of the

basic

human

rights

To conclude, it might look beneficial to restrain the

freedom

of expression of some to promote the general harmony, but this limitation might lead to total failure of a

nation

's fundamental independence. A balanced approach should be maintained that establish

clear

framework on when and where liberty can be

restricted

Total Errors	31
Grammatical range and accuracy	2
Lexical resource	22
Coherence & cohesion	4
Task response	3