IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5

IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5

5.5
Overall Score
15 Jul 24, 09:40
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the task but has several grammatical errors and lacks coherence in some parts. Vocabulary usage is adequate but could be more varied, and the ideas need better development and logical flow.

Overall score5.5
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion5.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors23
Grammatical range and accuracy5
Lexical resource9
Coherence & cohesion4
Task response5
Question
Technology offers innovative ways to preserve and share cultural heritage, but there is a concern that it might lead to a dependency that could diminish direct engagement with culture.
To what extent do you agree or disagree that the use of technology in cultural preservation is becoming too pervasive, potentially diminishing real cultural engagement?
#Culture
#Agree / Disagree
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:165
Paragraphs:2
Word Count Requirement
Paragraph Count Requirement
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
I would
be disagree
with the argument that is stated the use of
technology
in
cultural
preservation is becoming too pervasive, potentially diminishing real
cultural
engagement. It is because
technology
will help people all over the world learn the
cultural
heritage without any presence on site. It
assits
the preservation of the
culture
itself. By using the
technology
, the
existance
of the
culture
will be maintained from extinction due to the improvement of people's awareness. By the knowledge of those specific
cultural
heritage, the
wilingness
to explore the place or
culture
directly will be increased.
Futhermore
, it will be potentially
developing
the real
cultural
engagement.
For instance, 3D
technology
in one of the biggest Buddhist Temple in Asia, Borobudur Temple, improves Indonesia's tourism income from 4.5 Billion to 6 Billion Rupiahs per year. With that data, it concludes
the the
use of
technology
in
cultural
preservation will up scale the
inquisitive
of tourists to feel closely with the
culture
and experience it.