IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
18 Jul 24, 13:52
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Overall Feedback
The essay provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant points, but it lacks detailed examples and has some grammatical errors. Improved coherence and cohesion, along with a wider range of vocabulary, would enhance the overall quality.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 21 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 7 | |
| Lexical resource | 6 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society they live in.
To what extent do you agree and disagree?
#Entertainment
#Agree / Disagree
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:229
Paragraphs:4
Word Count Requirement
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Missing Linking Devices
completely
agree with the above statement that entertainment
on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. The continuous use of handheld devices has increased the demand of digital portability in today's generation. People want entertainment
aligning with their work schedules. The need of mind refreshments by the workers during their busy working routine is being fulfilled by video gaming applications. The consumption of such
media is usually frowned upon.There
have
been several research
conducted on how such
media consumption can affect one's mental health and thinking process. It is found that consumption of short media content can massively affect the attention span of an individual. Entertaining tools like video games can also affect the mental state of one in similar ways.Furthermore, the availability of
entertainment
on smartphones and other portative
gadgets brought an opportunity to use them more frequently in comparison with other sources of entertainment
such
as TV. Consequently, some people obtained addiction, which leads to lower efficiency as workers can be easily disturbed. The recent research states that employees can waste up to two hours daily due to messengers, social networks; therefore, portative
devices seems
to be detrimental.Due to
such
increase
in the availability of entertainment
in handheld portable there
is also sudden
increase in mental dysfunctions such
as short attention span and anger issues.