IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
11 Jul 24, 13:05
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Overall Feedback
The essay addresses the question but contains several grammatical errors and lacks a clear thesis statement. Coherence and cohesion are adequate, but the development of ideas and vocabulary usage could be improved for a higher score.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 41 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 19 | |
| Lexical resource | 14 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Globalisation contributes to improved health outcomes globally through the sharing of medical advancements and public health strategies. Conversely, increased travel and trade also facilitate the spread of infectious diseases across borders.
Do you agree or disagree that globalisation has a more positive impact on global health than negative?
#Globalisation
#Agree / Disagree
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:276
Paragraphs:5
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
tought
us how collaboration between state is beneficial to a large portion of humankind. Globalizaion
introduced us to interstate cooperation such as advanced medical treatment and health strategy. Even so, some people concern about the spread of disease resulting from international travel and trade activities. I will ellaborate
both view and express my opinion along with the conclusion below.Missing Linking Devices
human
body is built to adapt with
its environment, so when we are exposed to virus
that is alien to our body, we are proned
to get infected.For example,
foreigner
who visits
Uganda shall be aware with
Zika virus, while local people is
immune to that. Zika
virus is a mosquite
borne disease, and infected
person can spread it to other person
. This also happened to trade activites
where their products might be exposed to bacteries
and spread to person who touch it.Nevertheless, we
can not
reach this milestone without globalization. The point where freetrade
, free movement and good diplomatic are provided. In olden
days, it was hard
to grow economy due to limited material, service and product
. It is clear that each region has their own particular expertise that can help other
part of the world. Aside from monetory
matters, globalization also play a big role on many segments like improvising healthcare, promoting good environment and strengthen security. In my opinion, I support globalization for better
world and humankind. It creates the sense of belonging and can accelerate international
agenda.In conclusion, every process shall
come
with its benefit
and risk. However, with good cooperation and prudent act
I believe people can overcome all the risk and continue to grow togerther
.