IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6
IELTS Essay Sample Band 6
6.0
Overall Score
16 Aug 24, 11:56
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The essay addresses the importance of health systems and the need for mental health improvements but lacks detailed examples and clear structure. Grammar and vocabulary are adequate but could be more varied and accurate to enhance readability and coherence.
| Overall score | 6.0 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 5.0 | |
| Lexical resource | 6.0 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 6.0 | |
| Task response | 6.0 |
| Total Errors | 31 | |
| Grammatical range and accuracy | 12 | |
| Lexical resource | 11 | |
| Coherence & cohesion | 4 | |
| Task response | 4 |
Question
Strong health systems are vital for sustainable development, as they improve life expectancy and quality of life, contributing to economic stability.
How important are health systems in the context of development? What improvements are needed in health systems to better support development?
#Development
#Direct Question
Submitted Answer
English:
Words:277
Paragraphs:4
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
long lasting
development
, having a well designed
health system
is very important
. With robust
health system
, people
are less likely to fall ill. Healthy citizens play significant role to raise the nation's economy. Health is necessity
for development
as it is interrelated to productivity
which influences the development
of the state. Mental
health needs to be acknowleged
more in the health sector as it is vital for the development
of the country.When the
people
are healthy due to
the well planned
health system
, there is a possibility of drastic
decrease in the number of leaves taken by citizens. The worker's health reflect
directly on their performance
so their health is of utmost important for productivity. To be effective, employees need to be healthy so they can efficiently function for long period without sudden leaves
due to
health issue.Mental
health needs to be a prominent factor while designing and executing the health system
. Absence of mental
health causes depression and addiction. Due to
depression, many individuals resort to drug and crime, which causes numerous issues in the development
of the country's economy. To reduce the number of drug addcition
and crime, mental
health should be given more importance. So more people
can focus on their contribution to the society and be an upstanding individual of the society.In a nutshell, health plays a very significant role in
development
of state
in the long run
as the citizen's health is proportionate with the productivity of the nation. Mental
health should be prioritized in the national health system
as it influences the people
of the society and ultimately the civilization of the country.