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IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 5.5

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5.5 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 5.5

5.5
Overall Score
31 Mar 25, 17:14
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Overall Feedback

The essay presents a clear opinion against harsh punishments but lacks detailed examples and has several grammatical errors. Improved coherence and cohesion, along with a more varied vocabulary, would enhance the overall quality.
Overall score5.5
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors36
Grammatical range and accuracy10
Lexical resource14
Coherence & cohesion8
Task response4

Writing Task

#Criminal Justice
#Agree / Disagree
Many argue that imposing severe punishments on criminals is an effective strategy to deter others from committing similar offenses. This approach is thought to instill fear and thereby reduce the crime rate.
To what extent do you agree or disagree that harsh penalties are effective in preventing crime?

Submitted Answer

Words341|Paragraphs1
English:US English
Global Issues:
Paragraph Count Requirement
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Paragraph 1 Issues:
Thesis Statement
Criminals
and their
crimes
, they are a huge nuisance and disruption to society's peace. To fix this,
socciety
created
punishments
.
These
punishment
are made to hopefully instill fear to
criminals
and thereby reducing
crime
rate. The intent of the creation of these
punishments
are
good. But one must question are these severe
punishment
going to actually solve
crime
itself? I believe that punishing
people
will not fix them nor will it deter others of doing the same
crime
, so I must disagree. When one enforces the
law
with severe
punishment
you are installing fears in
people
.
When you have this
system
imposed you will have
people
only following the rules just
because
the
law
threatens to severely punish them, when these
laws
aren't
properly imposed (
e.g
there are no surveillance, police
don't
patrol),
people
will not abide by the
law
.
People
will not abide the
law
when there
are
no
proper
imposing of these
laws
because
they only fear it, not believe in it.
So I think that instead of imposing a
system
that severely punish
people
because
they do
crime
, we can install a
system
that properly educates and install moral
values
onto
people
and also give the
criminals
a
proper
education, rehabilitation, and a periodic check on them.
This
system
I propose, if done correctly, can and will improve by a lot.
This
system
can be done correctly if there are
proper
independent surveillance (controlled by the
people
/public), neutral and independent education and moral
values
installment (a
seperation
from religious
system
and without propaganda from the government), and a
proper
support
system
for this
system
(cultural
values
aligning with the
values
of the
law
).
To sum up my proposal, severe
punishments
of
criminals
is not an effective strategy to deter others from committing similar offenses
,
because
an approach backed by the fear of
people
can
and will not be an effective one. By following my proposal, society will run on the base of good moral
values
and will not commit
crime
independent of
punishments
.

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