IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 5

IELTS Essay Sample Band 5

5.0
Overall Score
27 Jun 24, 10:11
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The essay addresses the question but lacks clarity and coherence in some parts. Grammar and vocabulary usage need improvement, and the essay should be more formal and structured to enhance readability and logical flow.

Overall score5.0
Grammatical range and accuracy4.0
Lexical resource5.0
Coherence & cohesion5.0
Task response5.0
Total Errors49
Grammatical range and accuracy14
Lexical resource24
Coherence & cohesion6
Task response5
Question
Multicultural societies face significant challenges when it comes to integrating diverse cultures. These challenges can lead to social fragmentation and misunderstandings among different cultural groups.
What are the main challenges of cultural integration in multicultural societies and how can these issues be addressed?
#Culture
#Problem / Solution
Submitted Answer
English:UK English
Words:346
Paragraphs:6
Formality
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Thesis Statement
As we know that, we all are living in a diverse world. We
used
to practised our own
culture
and tradition according to our
religions
. Due to
which
many social conflicts
used
to be
happen
in the name of
religions
.
With regards to
this ,
i
am going to mention
several challenges that the
societyused
to face along with
it's
solution in the given essay.
To begin with, different
religions
have different aspects, social norms and values. One of the major challenges is that there will be lack of unity. To illustrate, if
muslims
and
hindu
people are living in a single community and if
theri
perception for each other mythology is negative
then
it may
creates
a distance between them or may leads to war. For instance, In India there was a huge war between
hindu
and
muslim
. They
used
kill each other in order to
pove
that their
religion
is superior among them.
Missing Linking Devices
seconly, Hierarchy is the major problem in the multicultural society. In today's world , people from each
religion
and
culture
used
to discuss that their
god's
are almighty. Now
clearification
with examples, Muslim says that their god's
Missing Linking Devices
(
prohphet
muhhamad
) is the creator of this universe , Hindu have a perception of that our
religion
is the oldest one so human civilization began from our
religion
and
christian
have
a
opinion
tha
jesus christ
is superior of all among them.
On the other hand, we need to minimize the challenges . It does not matter whose
religion
and
culture
and
culture
is superior. It only matters how we
goona
maintain this
culture
and tradition which was discovered by our
ancestors
that's
our responsibility.
we
need to maintain the unity by developing the feeling of brotherhood.
To conclude, May be we all are different from the
prespectives
of
culture
but
we all
belongs
to same class which is human. All the people have the red colour of blood , body is made up of flesh and bone . All humans are
destinated
to die therefore, we should live together by maintaining peace and harmony.