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IELTS Essay Checker - Sample Band 6

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Band 6 | IELTS Essay Sample Band 6

6.0
Overall Score
19 Mar 25, 12:33
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Overall Feedback

The essay addresses the task but lacks depth in exploring strategies for employee retention. Grammar and vocabulary are generally appropriate, but there are errors and limited variety. Coherence and cohesion could be improved with better organization and clearer connections between ideas.
Overall score6.0
Grammatical range and accuracy5.0
Lexical resource6.0
Coherence & cohesion6.0
Task response6.0
Total Errors21
Grammatical range and accuracy7
Lexical resource7
Coherence & cohesion3
Task response4

Writing Task

#Work
#Problem / Solution
Many companies struggle with high employee turnover, which can be costly and disrupt workflow.
What are the main difficulties in retaining employees, and what effective strategies can be used to improve retention?

Submitted Answer

Words323|Paragraphs4
English:UK English
Global Issues:
Task Response
Readability
Coherence
Cohesion
Vocabulary Usage
Grammar Range
Ideas Development
Logical Flow
Paragraph 1 Issues:
Thesis Statement
A lot of companies are facing a fast turn-over of
workers
and this has been a challenging phase they encounter
everyday
, resulting
to
unstable
work
processes and additional costs that come with it. There are various situations and reasons as to why
long term
employees
are difficult to find, but there are also number of ways to avoid tantamount turnovers.
One evident reason as to why some
employees
do not stay long-term in a certain job, is the low salary they receive, which does not give justice to the hard
work
and much effort they invest in their
work
. One good example are health care
workers
employed in private or government owned hospitals in the Philippines. These
filipino
health
workers
prefer working abroad due to the obvious reason that the pay overseas is way higher than what is offered in their own country. It is pitiful that, for a few, the goal of working in a healthcare setting in the Philippines is to just get an experience which is a requirement if they do apply outside their homeland.
This awful situation should be a wake-up call to the Philippine government. With the high census of patients coming in and seeking for medical attention each day, less and
less
nurses cater to them due to lack of attention
form
the government, specifically, the Department of Health. I strongly suggest that these officials should come up with a good plan on how they could increase
salary
and benefits of our frontline health care
workers
.
In conclusion, fast turn-over of
employees
has always been a hot topic for any kind of agency, establishment or company. I am of the notion that, a quality
work
output, needs
long term
employees
. Various ways and steps can be performed as long as leaders, bosses and company owners are not willing to let go of
hard working
entities whose goal is to provide for their families.

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